You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So many bounce houses so little time
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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