I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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