WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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