what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
