In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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