Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
