fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
