Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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