we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
