I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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