Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
