non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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