five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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