I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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