Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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