i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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