Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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