Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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