Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
