i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
