I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
