I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
