i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
