sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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