He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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