someone owes me an orgasm
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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