i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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