She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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