Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
