I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
