There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
