if only i could text you this smell
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
