I wish my penis had an off switch
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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