after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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