Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
