You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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