Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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