Will you blow on my dice?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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