we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
