he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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