Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
