Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
