she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
