There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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