Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
