There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
