just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
