mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it's like iHOP with fire
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
