Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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