sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
