Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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