come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
