Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
